Tuesday, May 13, 2008

love and other disasters

When I told my good friend Jas that I’m blogging and gave him the url to check it out he immediately browsed through the pages and then replied ‘ I thought you write about love or heart breaks and heartaches (something like that).” My respond was “Hello!!?? Me? Writing about love?!! “ No way! Im sorry to say but I really feel that writing about rejections, jilted lover, broken hearts and relationships is not what I plan to dish out when I started this blog. Not yet that is. Granted we all been there or thought that we’ve been there. I certainly have. You name it. I know Jas just had one of his many episodes from his real life soap drama and needed some assurance from his closest friends that hes going to be ok, as always. Trust me Jas, there are worse things that are happening around us every day and somebody who you think who is in love with you lying about their undying love, is to me, so trivial. Perhaps I may have heard it so many times with different version or perhaps I know that you’ll bounce back and move on ever so rapidly.
I firmly believe now (after years of learning it the hard way), that if you feel that your are a good loyal lover, if some one cheats on you then it is simply not your lost. You have to learn to stop blaming yourself. He or she can promised you the moon and the stars for all I care but if I discover that you are one lying bastard I have nothing else to offer but the exit door. Bon Voyage! Harsh I hear you say? I’m just being practical. Lets not play games and waste each other’s borrowed time and energy. It’s not worth it. We all deserved something good right? So here goes, Im going to attempt to write about something that is consider matter of the heart, love and other disasters.
All these years I have had the privileged to be around wonderful loving lovers and partners. Sounds like a lot but I could probably count my true lovers probably in one hand. And just leave out the bad ones for the sake of this essay. It all didn’t last long enough mainly because I had to leave the place, and I don’t think long distance relationship would work simply because we all have needs. It requires lots of work and a tonnes of money. Hate to admit it but its true. When I was much younger I didn’t know what I wanted, thus it has always been the case of going for the one simply because that person is there. As a result of uncertainty you go out dating all kinds of people for different reasons. Physical? Check. Materials? Check. Personality? Check, check, check! Heck, at one point I was so easy that as long as the person was nice to me I would go gaga over them immediately. All I need to do was just signed, sealed, delivered.. then IM YOURS!. I believed at that time that kind of person doesn’t come along all the time. Or maybe never? Oh boy, naivety is not even enough to begin with and that describe me back then. More like desperation. However in retrospect its all a process that one might have to experience in order to move on with their life. Accepting oneself.
Attraction is a funny thing you know. Its explicit. Its animal instinct. Its impromptu. Sometimes, its the illusion of grandeur. Yes its even BLINDING!! You think youre ready when in actual truth you just longing for the idea of someone caring for you. That you jump into a relationship because you like the idea of being in one. That’s different from being in a relationship for love, real love. Peer pressure, desperation, loneliness often come as the factors or reasons why one needs to have a relationship. That “I don’t want people to think that Im a pathetic single guy or girl ”. The office loser. Unlucky inlove. And don’t forget those pick up lines ‘ takkanlah orang cute/handsome/lawa macam you takde orang nak?” “hows is it possible for someone as cute as you hasn’t been snatched by anyone?” Don’t you just hate that? Now that’s pathetic! Whats wrong about being single? And happy? And good looking for that matter? Which one you would prefer? Being in a messy pretentious relationship or having a happily independent single life? Go figure.
My idea of a relationship is very simple. That, I just want to be happier. That, the person I chose completes me. Vice versa. Corny but that’s it. Here am I, doing what I love to do, feeling great about myself (most days, ha!) and people around me and enters this person to share all that with me. And the feeling is mutual. Why go around the beating around the bushes? Human being has been on this planet for thousands of years and they way our heart function has never really changed. Its pumps out blood to our head and beats faster when we fall in love. simple. its not rocket science people.
Rejection is the one word we fear pretty much. Let me tell you that it happens, almost to everybody but nobody wants to be rejected. Yes even to the prettiest girl or the richest man. One thing I learnt from all the rejections that I got was to be able to go back and look at myself, not necessarily blaming for all the imperfections that might caused it but to accept and love yourself exactly the way you are. Because no ones going to love us if we don’t love ourselves. Don’t get mislead by being vain though, simply to realize that you have good human qualities in you, that you are kind to people, somewhat funny and approachable because these translates to an energy that is so visible the minute you walk in to a room! Having said that it also applies to someone who are nasty, unkind, rude and they exude bad energy. Its like when you walked down a dark alley. We just need to tune more to our instinct. To listen and to trust that gut feeling. Some much about not writing about rejection.
How do we prevent rejections (on the initial stage of dating?) Frankly it’s an ongoing struggle. Its how you handle the rejections that intrigues me. Nowadays, Id joke about it. Humor helps, in my case. That is that person’s lost and you really have nothing to loose. Its just one date. Maybe I don’t suit their criteria. That’s it. You can stop analyzing the why’s ,what if’s, maybe I should do this or maybe I shouldn’t have done that. Trust me you could go insane! Be yourself and if it doesn’t work that you could still walk out with your head up high. Not every one is going to like us. Its preferential. Your worst enemy is yourself. It may hurt abit but it ll go away. You move on and find that person and when you do that hurting feeling will vanish. Unless you have invested so much that you thing its worth saving or fight for that you declare that war and get what you deserved. If I feel Ive done everything I could have in my power to salvage any kind of good things that is left in that relationship and still find my self in a relationship cul-de-sac that you just have to just let go. Everyone wants to be happy, and if there is no room for that then what’s the point? From being the wonderful loving person that you are then you suddenly turned into an angry bitter ugly beast that projects bad energy. Good luck to the next person who wants to date you (if theres any!).
My point is you have to learn to give yourself the chance to grow up and deal with things the way it should be. We allowed ourselves to make mistakes and learnt to correct them. One also needs to have fun, let loose and relax because theres just enough negative vibes out there that you just don’t want to add up to. I understand we all grow up differently and that our idea of happiness varies, but as human being are essentially the same. All these feelings whether its pain or joy, we feel it simply because we designed by the Al Mighty the way we supposed to be. It makes us humane. And its not the end of the world. Just don’t underestimate you heart. It can take so much more than you think.
So until you find that right person, I wish you my readers and yours truly, to just try and be the best person that we could be and live to the fullest and that believe we deserved all the happiness and love in this world as much as the next person. That’s our part to do and let the universe conspire us to make it happen. Insya-Allah.


JasmDea said...

OMG! I'm speechless... All I can say you, Fari are such dear to me.. Thank you so much...

Fitri said...

I could not agree more .. Wonderful entry .. Shld thnx Jas for giving me this blog url. Hope you would not mind I drop my comment here.

syuke said...

thank you so much for having the time to read the entry. i went on awhim and realized major grammatical mistakes are all over the place!! pardon me.

will edit properly next time.


Fitri said...

:-) ... I'm not an English teacher .. hence dont really care bout the grammar .. hahaha as long as the content catch my intention ... good enough ..

Well Thnx for leaving comment on mine too ..

Leave U a message if I need company for a movie.... mmmmm like KL - Kuching ... emm hehehe

Dee said...

Wonderfully written :)

Otit said...

a very thoughtful piece of mind i can say.
thanks for this very post.
i just found what i need on a right time.

cheers friend.

Syuke A. said...

thanks. glad u enjoyed it. :)

. said...

hmm.. now that i've read it.. being single isnt too bad afterall.